Instead of "great job," describe exactly what he did — "I love how you split the problem into two steps."

When your emotion doesn't serve the situation, do the opposite of what it pushes you to.

Deliver effective feedback in 3 parts (Situation—Behavior—Impact) so the other person hears you without defensiveness.

Don't ask "be my mentor" — ask "20 min on specific decision" 6 times until relationship becomes natural.

Phrase every feedback in 3 sentences: situation, specific behavior, impact — no interpretation.

Sort your feedback on care personally × challenge directly — sweet spot: high in both.

Don't hoard feedback until annual review — give within 24 hours of event.

Replace vague "good job" with specific praise describing: what he did, impact, why it matters.

Convert 3 vague goals into Specific-Measurable-Achievable-Relevant-Time-bound.

Instead of "I want to run a marathon", say "I'm a runner" — identity drives behavior.

Don't target "$100K this year" — target "3 sales calls daily".

Prepare 10 deep questions before any coffee chat — converts pleasantries to relationship.

Each month, write 3 behaviors to start, 3 to stop, 3 to continue.

Write four sentences: Describe the behavior, Express the impact, Specify the change, Consequences.

Instead of "be better", request "reply to my message within 24h".

When criticized, ask: "what specifically in X bothers you?" — forces clarity.

In tough confrontation: Describe-Express-Specify-Consequence — four sentences resolve.

French/Dutch tolerate direct critique; East-Asian needs it wrapped.

Anonymously ask Edmondson's three questions to score your team's psychological safety.

Prep your 1-on-1 with SBI + GROW: situation, behavior, impact, then open GROW questions.

Write a specific SBI thank-you to one colleague every day for two weeks.

End every meeting with: what worked (+) and what we change next time (Δ).

After any delegated task completes, deliver feedback in Situation-Behavior-Impact format.

Turn a vague goal into a specific, measurable, time-bound formulation.

Last 3 minutes: what worked? What do we improve next meeting?

Frame feedback in 3 sentences: Situation, Behavior, Impact — strips bias, refocuses on behavior.

A 2×2: "Care Personally × Challenge Directly". Know which quadrant you're in with each report.

30 min with a top performer, 5 questions on "why you stay and why you might leave" before they actually consider leaving.

Ask 8 people around you 3 questions: what do I do well? what should I stop? what would you stop me from doing if you saw?

4 steps: Describe (situation), Express (impact), Specify (change), Consequences (outcomes).

After the model answers, ask it to critique its own answer and improve it before final delivery.

Identify 5 feelings that make you open phone. Per feeling, alternative plan pre-touch.