Describe, Express, Specify, Consequence — a template to disarm any recurring quarrel.

Seven elements that turn a confused request into a clear respectful message that can be refused without breaking the relationship.

When your emotion doesn't serve the situation, do the opposite of what it pushes you to.

Don't ask "be my mentor" — ask "20 min on specific decision" 6 times until relationship becomes natural.

Replace vague "good job" with specific praise describing: what he did, impact, why it matters.

Convert 3 vague goals into Specific-Measurable-Achievable-Relevant-Time-bound.

Instead of "I want to run a marathon", say "I'm a runner" — identity drives behavior.

Don't target "$100K this year" — target "3 sales calls daily".

Prepare 10 deep questions before any coffee chat — converts pleasantries to relationship.

Each month, write 3 behaviors to start, 3 to stop, 3 to continue.

Frame your stance as: "When [behavior] I feel [feeling] because I need [value] and I request [ask]".

Write four sentences: Describe the behavior, Express the impact, Specify the change, Consequences.

Instead of "be better", request "reply to my message within 24h".

In tough confrontation: Describe-Express-Specify-Consequence — four sentences resolve.

When triggered, ask self: "what unmet human need?".

Before asking a high-context colleague for something, reshape your direct ask into a polite hint.

After any delegated task completes, deliver feedback in Situation-Behavior-Impact format.

Turn a vague goal into a specific, measurable, time-bound formulation.

4 steps: Describe (situation), Express (impact), Specify (change), Consequences (outcomes).

Identify 5 feelings that make you open phone. Per feeling, alternative plan pre-touch.