Describe, Express, Specify, Consequence — a template to disarm any recurring quarrel.

Seven elements that turn a confused request into a clear respectful message that can be refused without breaking the relationship.

Don't ask "be my mentor" — ask "20 min on specific decision" 6 times until relationship becomes natural.

Convert 3 vague goals into Specific-Measurable-Achievable-Relevant-Time-bound.

Prepare 10 deep questions before any coffee chat — converts pleasantries to relationship.

Frame your stance as: "When [behavior] I feel [feeling] because I need [value] and I request [ask]".

Instead of "be better", request "reply to my message within 24h".

When triggered, ask self: "what unmet human need?".

Before asking a high-context colleague for something, reshape your direct ask into a polite hint.

After any delegated task completes, deliver feedback in Situation-Behavior-Impact format.

Turn a vague goal into a specific, measurable, time-bound formulation.

4 steps: Describe (situation), Express (impact), Specify (change), Consequences (outcomes).