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The Common Need Question
Convert "me vs you" into "us vs the problem" with one question about a shared need.
Goal
Move conflict from positional combat to needs-collaboration via one question that surfaces both sides wanting something similar underneath.
Steps
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1
After hearing both sides, pause and say: "I see we disagree, but I think we want something similar".
Expected Outcome
Immediate
The other physically leans in — a signal the talk shifted from adversarial to cooperative.
Evidence base
School: Interest-Based Negotiation
Founders: Roger Fisher · William Ury (1981)
From Fisher and Ury's Getting to Yes: focusing on interests not positions resolves seemingly deadlocked conflicts.
Keywords
Frequently asked questions
How long does "The Common Need Question" take?
This exercise takes about 7 minutes, practiced with another person in a Inner dialogue format.
When will I notice the effect of "The Common Need Question"?
The other physically leans in — a signal the talk shifted from adversarial to cooperative. In the short term: Within two weeks, a stuck partnership advances because you discovered a deeper shared goal.
Is "The Common Need Question" evidence-based?
Yes — it draws on Interest-Based Negotiation (Roger Fisher, William Ury (1981)). From Fisher and Ury's Getting to Yes: focusing on interests not positions resolves seemingly deadlocked conflicts.
Is "The Common Need Question" suitable for beginners?
Its difficulty level is: Intermediate. No external tools required — it can be practiced directly inside the app.
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