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DEAR MAN for Effective Asking

Seven elements that turn a confused request into a clear respectful message that can be refused without breaking the relationship.

15 min Intermediate

Goal

Master asking for what you need clearly and specifically while preserving relationship and self-respect.

Steps

1

D — Describe: state facts of situation ("yesterday in the meeting, you said...").

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Expected Outcome

Immediate

Experience of "being heard" with a tough party even if they refuse.

Evidence base

School: DBT

Founders: Marsha M. Linehan (1993)

Spine of DBT's "interpersonal effectiveness" module — assertive asking without aggression.

Frequently asked questions

How long does "DEAR MAN for Effective Asking" take?

This exercise takes about 15 minutes, practiced with another person in a Social format.

When will I notice the effect of "DEAR MAN for Effective Asking"?

Experience of "being heard" with a tough party even if they refuse. In the short term: After 5 applications, your sensitivity drops and others' response rate rises.

Is "DEAR MAN for Effective Asking" evidence-based?

Yes — it draws on DBT (Marsha M. Linehan (1993)). Spine of DBT's "interpersonal effectiveness" module — assertive asking without aggression.

Is "DEAR MAN for Effective Asking" suitable for beginners?

Its difficulty level is: Intermediate. No external tools required — it can be practiced directly inside the app.

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